Wish I could be there: Notes from a phobic life, by Allen Shawn

Allen Shawn's new book, Twin, looked interesting -- which led me back to reading his earlier memoir, Wish I could be there, which I hadn't read when it first came out. His story, written in his sixth decade, is about his life-long problems with phobias. The son of well-known editor of The New Yorker, William Shawn, Allen has struggled, as did his father, his entire life with phobias -- primarily agoraphobia and claustrophobia. This memoir is his attempt to understand and come to terms with his disease; to explore its genetic and environmental links; and to discuss the various theories and treatments. It is also the story of his complex family -- his famous father, who had a decades long "second" family, acknowledged by his mother but unknown to his son until he was 30; his twin sister, Mary, who was institutionalized as autistic and retarded at age eight; and the rarefied literary world the family inhabited. An accomplished composer and musician, he has often missed important events in his own and his family's lives because of his inability to "be there" because of his fears, no matter how much he longed to be. At times a little dry, at times very moving, this is a book that will speak to many, particularly those of us who spend our lives being sure we can sit on the aisle. I look forward to reading his new book on his sister Mary. 260 pp.